My name is Johnathan Miller, and I am an American from San Jose, California. I had been a severe alcoholic for a long time and had been plagued by terrifying panic attacks after drinking alcohol. The vicious cycle was drinking a lot of alcohol and then having to suffer through anxiety attacks for the next few days, feeling suffocated, having a racing heartbeat, shaking, and the fear of dying or going crazy. I continued to search the internet for answers to my problems. I was rapidly searching how to stop panic attacks after drinking... I spent hours browsing through internet forums. Sometimes the anxiety attacks felt like they were from marijuana use. After a long and exhaustive search for affordable yet effective treatment for my alcoholism and panic attacks after drinking alcohol, I came across the clinic Vector Plus, located in Odessa, Ukraine. By a wonderful stroke of fate, I had relatives living right there in the same city. This gave me the posibility to move and seek professional help for my alcoholism and panic attacks after drinking alcohol.
So, here is my complete, detailed, and honest story and review of the treatment I have received at Vector Plus in Odessa. I have not omitted anything of the original experience that I want to relate.
How did my addiction to alcohol develop?
I developed an increasingly chronic alcohol addiction over the course of about five years, but I realize now that I was an alcoholic for more than ten years. There were three things that happened in my life that really fueled the illness. My dad died, my wife got breast cancer, and my daughter got an eating disorder. I just couldn’t handle it.
A few years after that, I finally entered rehab attempts. I had sought various therapists in the last three years and went to one Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting a week, but I could only do about three weeks without a drink before I would relapse and things would worsen dramatically.
My story is similar to many clients who struggle with addiction. Their addiction develops slowly, with difficult events in their lives acting as catalysts that worsen their dependency. Due to this gradual development, it is only later that many people realise how long they have actually been addicted.
I’d been drunk in meetings before, so I was definitely a functioning alcoholic. But I didn’t consider it alcoholism because I had a job, and I knew that if I had a problem, they would get rid of me. My problem was right in front of me in a bottle, but I was being paid. So as far as I was concerned, I didn’t need help. Meanwhile the panic attacks after alcohol kept getting worse the symptoms included sudden intense fear, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, feeling like I was suffocating after alcohol, sweating, dizziness, and fear of dying. These were exactly the symptoms of panic attacks after drinking that tormented me every time. I was constantly googling what to do about panic attacks after drinkingand reading every forum post I could find.
What made me choose to go to rehab?
I did not decide to seek help initially. My wife and a very good friend came to my rescue. Lockdown and personal crises did not allow me to get to work, so it was difficult to escape alcohol. When everything was bad at home I had actually tried to book in an Airbnb, and I knew what I would do had I done so, but things did not go the way they could have. I was in a situation where I could not go home and had no other place to go thus treatment was the least option. I was already exhausted, the fear of being anxious every minute after drinking along with panic attacks, and, since my spouse and friend had already done some research, the dirty part was already done.
Though it is also significant to mention that no one could be coerced to go to rehab unless he or she is ready, my narrative reveals just how essential an intervention by those dearest to the addict could be. One can only be confronted with his/her addictions by the nearest people, and only then you will start to notice that you are in need of assistance.
Were there any doubts about rehab with me?
I had no clue. Truthfully speaking, famous people going away on holidays to luxurious places in a couple of weeks was all that I was thinking. I had never wondered or considered what exactly went on there. I had even spent money on private counselling in the US and hence I had expected that as well though I did not know the number of people or any other specifics.
After researching various centres, we selected Vector Plus in Odessa due to the fact that the price was indeed affordable against the American clinics and also because I could stay with my family members. When I registered, there was a room available shortly so, I made one night at home before I entered. I felt like going in just briefly but the admissions advisor insisted that I needed a proper course in case what I got was meaningless. This was brought out clearly in my evaluation that a full program was required in case I wanted a real outcome of the alcoholism and a post alcohol panic attacks.
At Vector Plus, their recovery program is pretty thorough and you should take sufficient time in your treatment at the facility so that you could finish the first phase and stabilize. It is worth mentioning, though, that the length of the provided commitment, depending upon the situation and the history, is something wherein you will obtain the better the longer you can commit during the process.
How did a normal day in rehab go?
We would have a systematic routine in the everyday life. My typical day after waking up would be to take medicine following this, make a hot drink and go into the yard or shared place and have a conversation till the start of the morning group. This would be mindfulness or meditation, and then group therapy. We would have lunch and in the afternoon we would exercise in a recovery-related activity. This may be relapse prevention, cognitive behavioural therapy, the work concerning the management/handling of panic attack triggers that follow alcohol, meditation sessions or other therapeutic practices. After that, I received one-to-one therapies. Process meeting took place every evening. We would meet and take part in the discussions. Saturdays were rather free to read and relax among other patients, followed by study or reflection sessions. You are also doing some sort of work in which you are compiling during the time you are staying, i.e. your life story or steps toward a recovery.
What did I like most about Vector Plus?
The strengths of the treatment include its arrangement of your program when you are inside of it, comfortable atmosphere, and gentleness and the professionalism of the therapists and physicians (especially the caring team headed by such professionals as Vadim Natsynets). To some extent the hardest challenge is to step in through the front door. Once you get inside the door and it is closed, then really just make yourself believe it and get the idea that it is where you should be. I continue to apply relaxation and mindfulness techniques that I learned there.
It was not a simple detox that I got as a rehab. It was a lot more; I can still contact them to advise me even when I have already left. The follow up services also have been of support to me with truly valuable hints. I appreciate the fact that you are helped to keep working in groups since I have discovered that anti-addiction is connectedness. It has actually worked wonders in my life since the sessions help me remember where everything began and the new friends help me remember how I got to this point.
Was there a difference between the treatment that was received in the rehab and work that I had attempted previously?
The former experiences were absolutely opposite since I was being fully involved at Vector Plus as compared to the past where I was merely sitting at the back and did not want to know or appreciate whatever was happening. I just went to take off my wife and did not dedicate my full self to it which I now know was a retardant to my progress.
A proper supportive system would have been of great benefit. I was allowed to get my epiphany and it was a revelatory moment that I was in this location. I also understood that the group work and therapy is almost like superhero session that you are comprehend and accepted immediately and that is also a revelation as you have been thinking that no one has understood you. The initial sessions were terrifying and having people around me my mind realized I had to be there. I did not like it initially, but understood that I belonged where I was.
Did i get on well with the other clients?
Yes, we still keep in touch through messaging groups. I even saw someone I built a relationship with. Of course, some people have dropped off, but the core group are still active. We all celebrate each other’s milestones too.
Has rehab made a difference to my relationships?
To be honest, they didn’t really change while I was there because I’d lied so many times to my wife. She didn’t believe that it was going to work because when I was previously getting help myself, I was getting worse rather than better. I called my wife and mum every day, and if they were there, then I would speak to my two children too.
While I was in treatment, my wife had a long call with my key worker, who confirmed to me that my wife’s trust had completely gone. As there was a lot of scepticism, it was only once I came out and it became apparent that I was making real changes that things started to improve. Initially they thought I was acting curiously, and it took a long time. But in the end, it was an indescribably better relationship than before. I still find it incredible how it works. But I’m so glad it does.
The damage that addiction caused to my relationships is something that we see all too often, but seeing families come together again through the recovery process is one of the most rewarding aspects. Im glad that they provided full support to clients and their families to guide them through the process and to help them rebuild their relationships.
The two things that upset me the most about addiction are that it’s a disease that tells the sufferer that they don’t have it and that it makes them act in a contradictory moral way to how they’d like to act. It’s a powerful, self-destructive, irrational impulse.
Addiction is a mental disorder with physical side effects. It’s a mental illness the disease sits in the mind and impacts and influences everything you do. Through all those years, the scariest thing is that I just didn’t comprehend why I was drinking more and more, isolating myself, and triggering constant panic attacks after alcohol.
The life after rehab.
The physical benefits of my health are so obvious that people will comment and say that I look really well, but I need to put boundaries in place and say that although it is amazing, I still have some anxiety, so I’m still working on things internally.
Some people decide not to drink in front of me, and others don’t. Again, I am very clear about people being comfortable being themselves, and if there comes a point at which I’m not comfortable, I now have the confidence and self-awareness to tell them.”
For me, the pivotal moment is when you make amends to those who you’ve harmed. This entails literally saying to people that you fully regret your behaviour and that you’re doing everything you can to change it. Saying this to my boss and family was really stressful but also cathartic. It’s making daily amends to those closest to me, by staying sober and behaving decently, that makes the lasting difference. I haven’t been able to make amends without crying because they’re emotionally charged, but when you do them, people realise you’re serious about it.
As can be seen from my account, addiction recovery is not always easy, and there are difficult steps along the way. However, it is always through opening up and being honest with the people in your life that you can begin to start again and build a healthier and happier life free from addiction and free from panic attacks after alcohol.
Final thoughts
Thanks to the wonderful team at Vector Plus, my relatives’ support, and my own commitment, I have been living sober and largely free from the old panic attacks. Treatment at Vector Plus was the turning point I had been searching for after years of failed attempts in the US.